My mom is having difficulty with her breathing. Back in October of 2009 she was diagnosed with bilateral multiple blood clots. In other words, lots of clots in both lungs. Her latest cat scan shows there are no clots now. Thank goodness! She has lots of other health issues. She jokes that the only diagnosis she doesn't have is diabetes, knock on wood.

We go to a pulmonary specialist tomorrow. It is our last hope, I believe. Her breathing is scary. Not a technical term but accurate. Yesterday, as I listened to her sleeping and later awake, it reminded me of patients I had as an RN that lived only days, weeks or even months longer if they were lucky. My heart is so heavy, it feels ragged and torn. I love my mom so much. I just keep hoping and praying.

Yesterday was my nephew's college graduation party. I am so proud of his hard work and accomplishment. I did not go to the party, I stayed with mom. She has always been so independent and a go-getter. She is terrified she will die alone and doesn't want to be left alone.

I lied and told everyone my allergies were acting up and I couldn't make it. That way she wouldn't be alone and no one would feel guilty. My sister and I hatched this up together, unfortunately, she ended up with a terrible case of guilt. Everyone in my family loves mom.

My nephew is the kind who loves to stretch celebration events over days, so I am taking him to lunch or dinner next weekend, hopefully with mom. I'll give him his graduation gift then. He loves cash as a gift, so he'll be pleased.